Coded Message?
by Half Baked Cat
Summary: It started off so simply. Then people tried to figure out what happened. [Ficlet file]
1. Coded Message pt1

Please note: This is a series of ficlets. The chapter name will tell you which story the ficlet belongs to.

Konoha, 12:59 in the afternoon, Tuesday, market place.

From four directions, four figures approach.

From the north came a black haired and eyed youth in tight black pants, a white tank top, and an arm band known as Sasuke Uchiha carrying a suitcase.

From the south came a white haired man with one eye covered by an eye patch, a flamboyantly colorful outfit of patchwork pants and a light, floaty, silk red shirt known to many as Sharigan Kakashi carrying a treasure chest.

From the west a pink haired girl in a black body suit known to a few as Sakura Haruno came carrying a violin case.

From the east came a sunny blond haired kid wearing a bright orange spandex suit with green lightning bolts that lead to an eye at his right ankle and an eight ball on his left known mostly as that brat, but is named Naruto Uzumaki, carrying a small box wrapped in brown paper and tied closed with twine, a light ticking coming from the box.

All things considering, it was a very odd lot, with Naruto looking incredibly stupid in his outfit, meeting up in the middle of the market place.

At precisely 1:00 PM, Naruto asked, in a rather bland tone of voice, "Is this the real life?"

Sakura followed that up with, "Is this just fantasy?"

"Caught in a landslide," Kakashi said.

"No escape from reality," Sasuke said with less emotion than normal. "Open your eyes."

"Look up to the sky and see I am just a poor boy, I need no sympathy, because I am easy come, easy go."

"Anyway the wind blows."

"Little high. Little low."

"Anyway the wind blows doesn't really matter to me. To me."

"Mama, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head. Pulled my trigger, now he's dead."

"Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away."

"Mama, oh oh oh, didn't mean to make you cry."

"If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on. Carry on as if nothing really matters."

With Sasuke's third line, he traded his suitcase with Naruto while Sakura and Kakashi traded then Naruto and Sakura traded their packages. After a look to the others, the foursome nodded, turned around and left.

Up above the street level where many a citizen was confused about what just happened, an Anbu pulled out a notebook and began to quickly write down what he had heard before going to report in on the odd occurrence.

Nearby, another Anbu began to follow one of the figures, only to lose his mark after a turn down an alleyway. The Anbu missed the smoke left behind.


	2. Coded Message pt2

A month after the first odd event with Team Seven meeting up in the middle of the market and giving some sort of strange code speak to each other, and four days after the last time they met up in the middle of the market, Ibiki sat at a cafe near where they met. They always showed up at precisely the same time each day they did the meet up and wore the same clothes, even if the message and items were different. He had transcripts of the previous conversations in front of him, written in a couple of different methods, and a stack of notes in front of him. He was trying to figure out the strangeness of their behavior and if Kakashi was sharing any information he shouldn't be to his genin in these messages. So far, all he got was that the man Naruto shot was probably Zabuza and that the gun was some sort of technique he used. Or it was Zabuza's assistant and it meant something sexual. Ok, all Ibiki had was that the shooting of a man with a gun probably refered to something that happened during the wave mission. A quiet alarm went off, letting Ibiki know that they would soon show up if they showed up at all today.

Ibiki's jaw dropped at seeing the rediculus clothes they wore this time, and began taking notes seeing that they were coming from different directions from normal. Kakashi seemed to have a large stuffed dog head on top of his head while Sasuke was dressed as a walrus, Naruto looked like an over sized egg, and Sakura was in a suit. A white suit. With white shoes and a white shirt. After jotting as many of the details he deemed relevant to this sudden change, which was everything he noticed was different, Ibiki payed close attention to them. When they got to the their meeting point, he saw they stopped and began to speak.

Kakashi was the first to say anything. And it was absurd, "I am the walrus."

Naruto followed it up by looking at Kakashi and stating, "You are the walrus." He did not ask it like Ibiki was thinking.

Ibiki was further confused with Sasuke saying, "I am the eggman."

Sakura finished the conversation with, "The walrus was Paul."

They then reached into their pockets, or, in Naruto's case, into his egg shell, and pulled out rectangular pieces of wood and placed them against each other before nodding to themselves, putting the wood away before pulling out smoke bombs they tossed to the ground. Ibiki watched and was impressed to see them not there when the smoked cleared since he did not see them leave the smoke. In fact, there was no sign they had ever been there. Jotting down notes quickly, Ibiki left some money for the tea he did not drink before heading back to his office and the cork board that his subordinates reffered to as the conspiracy board to see how this change affects his theories.

Elsewhere, Team Seven had a meeting and were given the the forms to enter the chunin exams. 


	3. Anko Sensei pt 1

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were sitting in the classroom after team assignments like has happened in many different versions of this story. Unlike in most versions of this story, Naruto had not gotten bored enough to put an eraser in the door as a simple trap for their late sensei. Instead, the door opened up and revealed a spiky haired kunoichi in a rather form fitting, if plain, kimono. Looking at the trio, she raised an eyebrow.

"You're late," Sakura yelled out, pointing at the purple haired kunoichi known as Anko, at least when being reasonably polite.

"Am not," Anko retorted. "I was told to pick up my new students at three."

Naruto pouted, "Why would you be told to come so long after the other senseis?"

"No clue, just get your butts up and follow me. And next time we meet, wear something more appropriate," Anko said, turning and starting off down the hall.

Naruto quickly started after his new sensei, Sakura following a little farthr behind to be closer to Sasuke, and Sasuke picking up the rear with an air of annoyance surrounding him.

After a short walk, they arrived at a room that only Naruto had been in before. The room was a beautifully decorated with all the equipment for a style of tea ceremony popular in the East.

"Alright, let's see what you three can do," Anko said, taking one of the side seats meant for guests.

"Uh, sensei, what are we suppose to do?" Sakura asked, nervously.

"I would think it would be rather obvious. If you can't figure it out, I guess I should just fail you right now."

"Fail? But we already passed the genin test," Sasuke said with a scowl.

"Yeah. How could a pineapple grape haired daughter of the bastard son of a slug and a monkey like you fail us?"

... Sakura dropped a spoon, the sound of it falling audible till it hit the ground, breaking the stunned silence at the interesting choice of insult Naruto decided to use.

"Kid, I do not know where you came up with that, but you just earned a few points in my book," Anko said, still a bit stunned. "If you pass my little test here, you may redeem those points for several different boons. Should you fail, then you will simply not be on my shit list till you do something to get onto it."

Sasuke coughed lightly into his hand as he tried to remember some mostly forgotten ettique lessons before realizing that the tea ceremony setup was unlike any he had seen before. He was not going to fail this stupid test. Failing would only slow him down. Noticing that Sakura seemed to have some idea of what to do, he nudged Naruto on the shoulder and subtly indicated they should follow Sakura's lead. Seeing Naruto did not get it, he rolled his eyes and spoke up, "Sakura, you are the host for this little test," Sasuke said before adding with grit teeth, "Me and Naruto will act as your servants. Just tell us what to do."

Sakura temporarilly got into a daze of happiness at Sasuke giving her leadership. Oh, the wonderful things she could do. Especially with ordering her boytoy around.

Sasuke coughing lightly to get her attention drew her out of her daydreams, getting her to focus in on the eagerly waiting Naruto and the impatient, but handsome to her, Sasuke.

Sakura nodded and began to direct the pair of them into getting different things ready as she checked the teas and using her memory and the afternoon she had spent reading up on different types of teas, tea ceremonies, and how to be a guest or a host thinking it would be on a test.

As the ceremony occured, Anko quitly wrote several notes down and a letter to the hokage thanking him for the subtle way he gave her a genin team.

Walking down a hallway, Kakashi read his pornographic book, giggling lightly to himself as he thought of what he would do with his time off for the testing of the genin team he was assigned. Opening up the sliding door to the classroom he was informed to meet his team about three hours ago, he frowned at seeing the classroom empty. Shrugging, he figured this just made it all the easier to fail the three of them for not being at the assigned meeting place when he arrived. When he turned around, he was surprised to see three young ladies wearing formal attire come up to him and bow.

"Sorry we are late sensei," The three said at once.

"There was this cute little black kitty that started to cross our path when a dog barked and scared it up a tree," The shortest of the three said.

"I couldn't just let it stay up there, so I went to help it out of the tree," the oldest looking one said, a meow coming from her kimono as the head of the cat pushed itself out of the folds and seemed to smile up at Kakashi.

Kakashi, for all of his experience, blinked once in a slow manner. "My first impression of you is that I like you," He said before gesturing the three of them to follow him.

After the tea party finished up with Naruto somehow ending up wearing an oversived top hat, Anko changed into a blue dress with a white apron, Sasuke passed out with a nose bleed, and Sakura grinning mischiviously at the passed out Sasuke, Anko gave a simple nod.

"Alright you three, you pass," She said, standing up and slipping a note into Sasuke's hand. "Meet up out front of the bathhouse on the corner of First and Hiruzen at eight tomorrow and we'll begin your training. And remember to dress appropriately. Oh, and leave mister dark and bloody alone. I left him special instructions for when he wakes up."

With that, Anko disappeared in a whirl of leaves.

Naruto, surprisingly subdue at the moment, shrugged and began to walk home. He was in the mood to try reading that book he got from someone who signed the note with it as "J:SP". The old man told him that the book was safe and from someone that should have been around for him more often, but was too busy with official business. Naruto ended up forgetting about that and used the book to prop up the broken leg of his comfy chair. He was so lucky to find such a comfy chair sitting by the road, all because one of it's short little legs broke and it wobbled a bit.

As he walked home, Naurto passed team eight who were disbanding for the day after their introductions. Waving to them as he walked over, he called out, "Hey guys. How was your first day as a team?"

"G-good," Hinata answered shyly, smiling at Naruto with a blush.

"Sucks, we have to take another test tomorrow to see if we are worthy of being a genin team," Kiba answered with a growl of aggreement from Akamaru.

"Don't worry about that, my team just passed it and it was easy," Naruto boasted.

"Oh, and what did you have to do?" Kiba asked, giving Naruto's new hat an odd look.

"A tea party," Naruto answered with a smile, adjusting his hat a little.

"And the hat?" Shino asked, correcting his sunglasses.

"Things got a little weird part way through. If you see a white rabbit running around with a watch, tell him I want my hundred ryo. I won that game fair and square," Naruto answered, looking around for the rabbit in question.

"So, the test is a tea party and there is a game during it?" Kiba asked.

"I doubt it. Why do I think it is illogical? Because each jonin will probably make their own test up in order to look for different things," Shino said, causing Kiba to be relieved at not having to deal with something so stuffy.

"Um, N-Naruto?"

"Yeah Hinata?" Naruto asked, unintentionally interupting her.

"Um, oh, n-evermind. You probably already have s-something planned for tonight," She said, dismissing her thought.

"Well, I was thinking of trying to read a book I got a couble of years ago," Naruto answered, not realizing Hinata wanted to spend time with him.

Now, in many fanfics Kiba would have suggested Naruto was illiterate. However, this Kiba was not going to do something so silly when he could barely read any better than Naruto. And they both knew it. Kiba knew how to read more words, but Naruto was better at figuring out context with what words he could read. They once fought over who was better at reading and ended up agreeing to call it a tie so long as neither of them brought up how poorly the other could read.

Shino and Hinata both knew how hard reading was for the pair of them, but were to stoic and kind, respectively, to point out that fault. That, and both were silently pleased at what Naruto was doing to better himself.

"Yeah, well, so am I," Kiba said, not wanting to be outdone by his reading rival. "In fact, I better go so that there is still plenty of daylight to read by." Kiba ran off to try to find something to read so he would not be outdone by Naruto.

Naruto nodded and said his goodbyes to Shino and Hinata and walked off at a surprisingly calm pace.

Shino fixed his glasses again before saying in Hinata's general direction, "Set up a tea party. Why? Naruto might be able to behave himself in front of your family during one." He then calmly walked off while Hinata sputtered and blushed at what Shino suggested. 


	4. Team Dream Fulfillment pt1

"Alright, we already know each other's names, and like, dislikes, and hobbies can be found out during team bonding," Kakashi said during the introduction for the team, having arrived just before Naruto got bored enough to trap the door and was thus in a better mood than he was. Team seven was still annoyed and unamused by him because he was still two and a half hours late. "So, why don't you tell me your dreams and we can see about getting you the training to achieve them."

"Well, I had this one dream involving a stadium sized bowl of ramen," Naruto said, getting smacked on the back of the head by Sakura.

Sasuke slowly gained a look of horror as he noticed Kakashi seemed to be considering the idea.

"I think we may be able to do that soon," He said, getting up and beginning to walk away in order to set it up. "In fact, I was going to give you a bell test tomorrow to test you. Instead, you three have a week to accomplish Naruto's dream. If you succeed, then I will take you on as my students. If you fail, it is back to the academy for you three."

Now, why would Kakashi allow such a change to his test? Well, for one he is a fool who did not realize that Naruto could pull such a crazy feat off on his own and giving him official indorsement would only encourage him. Two, he is lazy so this would give him a week to just lounge around and read his books. Three, he figured this would work just fine as a test of teamwork as well as the bell test.

This lead to one of the strangest events in Konoha to date.

Kakashi coming out of his room a week later with a haze of smoke following him as he tossed out a garbage bag full of used tissues. Well, ok, that was not the strange event. In fact, that was downright ordinary compared to most of the going ons in Konoha.

No, the strange event was that there was a large ceramic bowl now apart of the skyline near an equally large stock pot with a bunch of orange covered ninjas bouncing around the pot and the town gathering various materials while a loud screach from a pink haired girl directed the orange mob into a surprisingly effective unit and one black haired boy kept the fire under the pot hot and big with disturbing glee.

Kakashi stood there in surprise. He did not know anyone could even make an ornate ceramic bowl that big in a week, not realizing that team seven actually borrowed it from a shrine in the land of demons who were not using it anytime soon. The pot they got from the land of iron because a metalworker missread an order for a pot and made it too big and the offer of another nation taking the thing off their hands worked just fine for them so long as they got paid. The fact that as an officially sanctioned test of Konoha annoyed the Hokage, who was going to make Kakashi pay the village back for every ryo spent on this test he made up if it killed Kakashi and he had to be brought back to life to finish paying off the debt.

The merchants, as reluctant as some were to help Naruto, quickly started to help by giving discounts for the ingredients and tools needed for this strange project since it meant a lot of cash quickly. In fact, word spread about how much money the village was spending on food at the moment that merchants from all over headed their to sell their goods while the village was buying. The other villages tried to figure out what the secret reason the village would do this and cover it up as a simple genin test.  



	5. Anko Sensei pt 2

The Hokage read the reports from the jonin teachers under his command about the progress of the various teams, smirking at the humor one of them provided by providing all the information needed while questioning whether or not anyone even reads these reports. Nothing traitorous was insinuated, just a frustrated person that hated paperwork venting about paperwork. Sarutobi understood completely, even if he made sure to keep his paperwork up to date and light. How else would he be able to actually read such reports about the progress of the training of the next generation of ninjas.

Pulling out a folder from the combined jonin that were just assigned teams to see which ones passed.

The hand to the face soon followed and he knew he would have to figure out where the problem came about with the mix up of teams. Especially since one group was made up of civillians that Anko was going to give a lesson on tea ceremonies to.

Poking his head out of the door to his office, he asked his secretary to gather the jonin with genin teams in the village together for a meeting and to tell Kakashi that if he is late that he would be tied up to a post and used for his grandson's target practice.

An hour later, all the jonin were gathered with Kakashi actually aarriving ten minutes early to avoid what he knew to not be an idle threat.

"Alright, first thing is that I want to bring up is that I do actually read these reports you send in on the progress of the genin," The Hokage said, gaining satisfaction at the nervousness a few showed for either complaints made or inadequently filled out reports.

"Now, I noticed while going through them that several inconsistencies were evident. Please take your reports and review them. I left notes on what I need more information on. Those that have not just gotten a team may go now." Seeing most of the jonin take their reports and leave quickly to see where they went wrong, Sarutobi nodded his head in satisfaction.

"Alright, as for you four, I would like to ask, what the fuck?" Sarutobi asked after it was just him and the three jonin and special jonin.

The four looked confused and around. "Asuma, Kurenai, seriously. You two are doing a horrible job keeping your relationship on the downlow. I give it a week before the girls on your teams figure it out. From the reports I got, Shikamaru and Shino probably will figure it out soon as well. But you two still try to pretend there is nothing going on publicly."

The eye smile and out right laugh by the one eyed dog and grape snake babe revealed the amusement those two found in the talking down their companions were getting for their relationship.

"And Kurenai, that is my baby boy there. Don't scar him up too much. I want more grandkids," Sarutobi added with a smirk, causing Asuma and Kurenai to blush in embarrassment for different reasons.

Turning to the other two, Sarutobi smiled at Anko and Kakashi for a moment before he stopped and glared. "As for you two, how did you get your teams mixed up. And how did you not realize that thoe three girls were civilians Kakashi? It has been a week and you were training them. Shouldn't you have noticed that they did not even have any ninja identification?"

Anko and Kakashi had their amusements wiped away very quickly and Anko started to twitch nervously.

"Anko, I'm going to let you continue training Team Seven since you are giving them such good progress reviews. Although, I am concerned about the interest you seem to be showing in one Naruto Uzumaki. Care to explain your choice of words in reference to him?"

"He is an amusing kid. I am not a pedo. Stop comparing me to Orochimaru! That time at band camp was an accident and Kurenai doesn't remember the event anyways. I have not stolen any underwear in two years and that one time was as revenge on Kakashi by trading his underwear with Guy's." Anko quickly rambled out. The other people in the room just blinked in confusion.

"Um, Anko, I was not refering to any sexual interest you might have with Naruto. Although, if you do, I hope you can keep it in your pants for a couple of years or until he is a chunin. Whichever happens first," Sarutobi said, raising his hands in defense. Who was he to deny someone whose job was to kill on order from having stress reliefs? Well, the person whose orders they have to listen to, sure, but he was too smart to prevent them from relaxing somehow in their off time to deal with the mental trama of their jobs. "No. I was concerned that you may not show complete professionalism to your students if you grew too attached to one of them. I just wanted to bring such concerns to your attention early. If you end up having a motherly, or even wifely, attraction to him, that is fine. Just be sure to be professional while on the job."

Anko blushed and nodded.

Sarutobi then smirked, wanting to get one last jibe into his subordinate. "Oh, and I will know if you are pushing Naruto too hard to get him to become a chunin as soon as possible." Seeing the way Anko blushed deeper and quickly excused herself, Sarutobi thought once again about how good it was to be Hokage for those moments. 


End file.
